Guest Post...

I did a guest post about Design Mom (aka Gabrielle Blair) on another blog...

I'd love it if you went there to read it!  Look out, it could be a prickly one!

On the Edge

I'm on the edge. 

It is the edge of a chasm.

There has been a cloud over me lately.

A funk if you will.

Because I am recognizing it, I know I haven't fallen into the valley of depression yet.

I take my medicine faithfully every day.

I am hanging on by my fingernails.

There is so much joy in my life.

I wonder what at times it seems to be just beyond my reach.

I can smell it, but can't find it.

Something big is about to happen in my life.

It is like fruit ripening.

It happens in it's own time.

The wondering is killing me.

The waiting is killing me.

It will come, I know it will.

I don't know what it will be.

I don't know when it will be.

But all will be good again...soon.

real life...

Here's another edition of...'yes, this is my real life..."

Tuesday night we had a shrimp boil with some great friends. 

There was wine, laughter, and of course shrimp.

The new potatoes were freshly dug from the garden,

The shrimp had arrived that morning straight from the gulf

It was an absolutely gorgeous June evening

And an absolutely wonderful night...

oh hello there...

testing...testing...is this thing on?

I've been away. 

Have you noticed? 

There have just been too many things. 

I just haven't been able to write. 

Nor have I taken any photos. 

Sad, huh?

I think I might be back now.

Back in my own skin;

Back into a little bit of a routine, now that school is out;

Back into the swing of things as they say.

I have poison ivy again,

more grey hairs,

and a deliciously tanned body.

I am ready for the summer and all of the fun things it brings...

including much more time at the pool,

I've got to get rid of these silly tan lines,

and read more books!

I've missed you and this place.

Thanks for waiting for me.

slippery slope

Does your life sometimes feel like this?  Sliding fast down a slippery slope with curves and turns...Just when you get comfortable with one course, it up and changes on you?

Lately I have been feeling pretty comfortable with my life.  Changes we have made for the better, time spent with family and friends is refreshing and rewarding.  But when I took this photo, all I could think of is how well it symbolizes how I feel much of the time.  I like things to be changing and moving and growing, but when I stop to smell the tulips for a bit, I remember how nice they smell, and I have to remind myself to slow down.  I have to remind myself to enjoy this time...because all too soon, it will change...again!

a host of nothingness

• my past 2 weeks have been mentally and emotionally exhausting; I think I am over the hump now
• I need some creativity in my life; I need some time and a place for creativity in my lkife
• I have the best friends ever; dinner with one, wine with another, lunch with another and dinner with yet another all this week
• I love my kids; ages 8 and 9 are the best.  Really, they are
• family is all you have; it is the ONLY permanent thing in this world

1000 miles from nowhere

I took a little drive the other day, a detour if you will.  I was headed to a small town in a small county for some work, but I saw the sign for the Auto Tour of the Santa Fe Trail that cuts through Marion County, KS.  I stopped and took a folded piece of copy paper which showed a map of the county and the driving tour.  

I had to take dirt roads, blacktop roads and gravel roads. 

I stopped, turned around, and backed up many times. 

But wow. 

Being places where you could see the ruts in the land from the hooves and wagons was really powerful.

Imagining what it was like for those pioneers who came west in search of freedom and a better life.

Thinking about reading the Little House on the Prairie with my kids and having to explain,

really explain what life was like then. 

I enjoyed myself immensely. 

So much so that I was almost there...

I could hear the laughter in the prairie grass.

I could smell the cooking fires.

I could see the river to be crossed all too soon.

It's amazing what there is to see and do here in Kansas.

I'm learning that every day.

eats shoots and leaves

I have not been at home for the past 6 Saturdays.  I have slept in beds in Kansas City, Hays, Grand Island (NE), Kansas City, Tulsa and Oklahoma City in the past 6 weeks.  NOTHING (really...nothing) has been done at my home over the weekend for that long...well, only laundry to get ready for the next trip.

All of this has been done in the name of basketball.  Carson finished up the 4th grade travelling ball season in Grand Island, and then we were off to the Big 12 Tournament and the first and second rounds of the NCAAs.

The only good thing about being gone all those weekends?  I didn't miss our spring.  We still barely have any buds on the trees...the first daffodil bud is just now popping up...and my grass has not yet changed from brown.

Yes, I am looking forward to this weekend.  To waking up in my own bed, and to doing a little spring-ifying around our house!

on strength

A mere 2 weeks ago I had a whole post written in my head about strength.  I was feeling so strong in all these areas of my life. 

• My legs were strong and were carrying me longer and longer distances.
• My lungs were strong and breathing was extremely easy.
• My heart was strong and I was able to be myself and not worry about others.
• My head was strong and I was happy and content with the world around me.

Here I am today and it seems to have all fallen apart.  I have had several terrible runs in a row, and I am wondering if I will even be able to run this race in May.  My breathing is labored, I have a stitch in my side, and my legs are just pounding the pavement (and not in the good way).  My heart is heavy.  Work is stressful, friendships are strained, and decisions feel like they need to be made.  The world around me is not what I thought it was.  But is it ever?

I guess it just goes to show you...things change so very quickly and we need to remember to be content.  To be content with our lives, to not always be looking forward to wht is next, and to take things as they come...  enjoy our lives and ourselves and all of those around us.

the speed of time

Time...

You know it?

Life is mostly about the passing of time, I guess.

Some days we need time to go faster and others for it to to slow down.

I think of time often:

• how many minutes left on the treadmill?
• how long until the kids need to be taken or picked up?
• when will dinner be ready?
• how minutes did he play in the games this weekend?
• time to go home from work?
• how long until I get there?
• how many more minutes until bed time?
• how much longer will this meeting last?
• what was her fastest time in the swim meet?
• when will you be home?
• when can I find time to be creative?
• can I run faster in the next race?
• can we have a few minutes alone?

I have been pondering time a lot lately. 

What will I do with the time I have been given? 

How can I make an impact with my time and talents? 

Am I spending enough time with my kids? 

How can I show them how to use their time wisely? 

ps, above is my first experiment with capturing motion with long shutter speeds.  It was great fun and I ca't wait to get out there and do it again!

lonely

Do you get lonely, even though you are busy?

Do you feel like sometimes time just flies by and you haven't had time to stop to think...

much less tie your shoes?

In the last 30 days, I have been gone 11

Always gone with people...

friends, family and co-workers

but I have been lonely...

I haven't had time to read a book

I just finished catching up on all 564 posts in my reader

I can't imagine what it would be like to do something creative...

Thinks are looking up though:

There is no travel scheduled,

There is snow on the ground,

and the 1/2 marathon training has begun in earnest...

I went to the library this week and checked out 3 books.

I'm looking forward to getting back to myself

and enjoying the end of the winter.

the light of friendship

I am the luckiest person I know.

My friends are the best.

I have great friends from high school that email the stories of their lives back and forth.

I have great college friends that will run in half marathons with me.

I have great Salina friends who will gather on a Thursday night for wine...

and hopes that school will be cancelled in the morning (it wasn't).

Next weekend I go to Colorado with my girls (remember last year?).  We have decided on pedicures and massages.  We've packed our swim suits for the hot tub where we can look at Pike's Peak while we soak.  We have drawn names out of a hat to pair up for making meals.  The wine will flow, and the the good times and laughter won't stop until we fall into bed at night.

My friends are some of the brightest lights in my life...and for that I am so very thankful.

the quiet

Here I sit in the still and quiet of the early morning.  I can hear the heater running,,,how often is it quiet enough in your house to hear the heater running?  Occasionally the dog shifts.  Sometimes I hear a sleepy sigh from one of the kids.

In 20 minutes I will wake the kids, I sill like to get in bed with them in the morning and cuddle a bit and wake them gently if I can.  I can't get enough of their sleepy, warm bodies in the cold mornings.

In 25 minutes the shower will start running.  The dog will scratch to go out, and already the quiet will start to dissolve.

In a half hour, the "mom"s will start.  The water will run for brushing teeth, and filling of water bottles.  The kids will inevitably find something to start bickering about.  We will begin the rushing about to get out the door for school and work.

...and my quiet will be gone...until tomorrow morning.

**photo from the beach in Georgetown, Grand Cayman

so much

There is so much to say and so little time.  So little, that I am in fact writing this as I wait for the train to pass by...then I must go take Molly to swimming, pick Carson up from basketball, and then make some dinner (why must kids eat dinner?) and then find some time to go for a run before the -10 degree weather comes in tonight (along with more snow!).

Quickly though -

• The cruise was great, and the weekend at home doing laundry after wasn't so great.
• I joined the Blog Camp 365 photo a day project.  I am excited and scared all at the same time.  Hopes are that it will improve my photography and processing skills!
• I got the bestest Christmas present of all time:  Old Gringo boots!
• I am working on a photo book from Snapfish of our trip for my mom and dad & brother and sister-in-law.  I'm excited to see how they come out!
• Lots of travel coming up:  Colorado next week for a long weekend with the girls, then GA again for work.  For February...who knows?  I haven't gotten that far yet!
• I started training for the Lincoln 1/2 marathon this weekend.  I am excited and inspired to run again.  I was reminded last night of how much I love the cold, snowy nights.

and this:  This is the second of my 365 photos.  I LOVE how it turned out!

Truer words were never said (sung)

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becomming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

...

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bare
I can't fix you, I can't save you
It's something you have to do

Come Back to Me
David Cook
(cringing as I type that)