Guest Post...

I did a guest post about Design Mom (aka Gabrielle Blair) on another blog...

I'd love it if you went there to read it!  Look out, it could be a prickly one!

If nothing else...

...always remember that the red bud tree loves you...

On the Edge

I'm on the edge. 

It is the edge of a chasm.

There has been a cloud over me lately.

A funk if you will.

Because I am recognizing it, I know I haven't fallen into the valley of depression yet.

I take my medicine faithfully every day.

I am hanging on by my fingernails.

There is so much joy in my life.

I wonder what at times it seems to be just beyond my reach.

I can smell it, but can't find it.

Something big is about to happen in my life.

It is like fruit ripening.

It happens in it's own time.

The wondering is killing me.

The waiting is killing me.

It will come, I know it will.

I don't know what it will be.

I don't know when it will be.

But all will be good again...soon.

photo workshop

Wow...long time!

Here are a few edited shots from this past weekend...

they all have a theme, and will be used for something special.  I'll show you that part when it's done!

There's something about Molly

Gosh, I love that girl of mine, Molly.  She is so vivacious, has a mind of her own and cracks me up...lots.  Recently 2 things have happened that I mustn't forget. 
When Todd is out of town I always let the kids sleep in bed with me.  They take turns.  Todd doesn't know this, and we'd like to keep it that way. 

Molly working on her 2011 Valentines

1.  Last week when Todd was in New Orleans all week, and on one of Molly's nights to sleep with me, I was dozing off to sleep while she was still wide awake watching TV.  Just as I was about to fall asleep, she says "what is sex?"  My eyes shot open, and my breathing got quick.  I didn't move a muscle.  I did everything I could to pretend I was already asleep.  I must have been convincing 'cause she never said another thing.  See, I just couldn't deal with that at 10 o'clock at night without Todd there for back-up...missed it by that much...!

2.  This morning, again while Todd was out of town, this time in Iowa, I was letting Molly sleep-in (and I was too!) 'cause there wasn't school, and she was farting in her sleep!  Big, loud, man farts.  I was cracking up, and kept thinking she was awake and going to look over at me and smile after one of them, but she never did.  She was truly farting in her sleep.

Oh that kid, man I love her!

velour

from pinterest

I bought a navy blue velour sweat suit over lunch for my weekend at the lodge with the girls. 

It was the most comfortable thing I could think of.

Does this mean I am old?

training week 3 in review

Monday: Ran 2 miles to the Y, lifted, and then ran 2 miles home...with Carson!

Tuesday: 3 mile run outside with the girls

Wednesday: Rest

Thursday: 3 mile run outside by myself...left from Oxbow Park for a change of scenery

Friday: 5.5 mile run outside (68 degrees!)

Saturday: rest (swim meet)

Sunday: rest (swim meet)

The best this week

Either running home from the Y with Carson, OR the beautiful day we had on Friday

The worst this week

Really nothing!

training week 2 in review

Monday - Stretch and strength with Hope

Tuesday - 3 mile run the the girls outside

Wednesday - 5 X 400s on the treadmill at the Y, again I enjoyed this one!

Thursday - 3 mile run outside with Cara and Susan

Friday - Strength and 3 miles of laps at the Y with Hope.

Saturday - rest day

Sunday - I.just.couldn't.get.off.the.couch

The worst this week

This week was great until Friday.  Leaving the hardest workout until the end of the week was really hard.  By the time I got home Friday nite, I was physically exhausted.  The only saving grace was that Saturday was a planned rest day.

The best this week

We had planned our group run for Sunday afternoon due to basketball schedules, but none of us could face going out into the cold in the afternoon, me included.  At least I wasn't the only one who ditched the run!  Some days you just need a day off!

training week in review

I am again training for the OKC 1/2 Marathon.  It is May 1 this year.  I'm going to recap my training weeks here as a way to review my progress and to force myself to find the best thing in my training each week...

Monday:  1/2 hour strength and stretch with trainer, Hope
Tuesday:  3-mile treadmill run (10 minute miles)
Wednesday:  1 hour full body strength and 3-miles of laps with Hope
Thursday:  5x400 on the treadmill
Friday: 3-mile run.  outdoors...finally.  We've had snow cover and frigid temps all week.
Saturday: 3-mile run with the girls, outdoors.
Sunday:  rest!

The best this week: 

By far the 5x400s.  I loved doing these, and really look forward to them each week.

The worst this week: 

Strength and laps on Wednesday.  By the middle of the week, my body was already exhausted!

the bright child

I'm struggling.  I'm struggling with a bright child.  I'm struggling with an extremely bright child who does not know how to challenge himself.  In no way do I intend to compare my child to his friends, or any other child for that matter, but I am struggling,  I think to put my thoughts down, and "think out loud" a little will help me map out the road ahead of me.

My child has it easy.  He has it easy in school.  He gets straight As without much effort.  He participates in all of the "advanced" programming (granted, that amounts to 1/2 hour per week in our school), and he is well liked by his teachers and friends.  He doesn't like to disappoint, so he performs well on all that he is asked.  He knows no other way.  It has been this way all of his life; easy for him.

My child is talented.  He has raw athletic talent.  His coaches wonder why he didn't play football this year.  Others see his speed on the soccer field and wonder why he doesn't do that all the time.  Recently, his basketball coaches have commented on his "lack of effort" on the court.  He seems to do what is expected and no more.  He seems to not have the confidence in himself that comes with tackling a challenge and overcoming it.  I wonder if this is because he has always had success in his life without much effort?

What's a mother to do?  How do I teach this child of mine to challenge himself?  How do I show him to live his life to the fullest, with the most effort?  How to I get him to work hard at EVERYTHING he does so he doesn't later regret his choices?  How do I show him the tremendous reward that comes with pushing yourself, and succeeding?  This life is too short to do nothing but...

I'm going to spend time googling, searching, seeking, and asking.  I am going to find someone to talk to about this.  I am going to work with his teachers and coaches to push him.  I will make this commitment to him.  He has so, so much to offer this world.  He will be an amazing contributor to his family and community.  But I will do what I can during the 8 years he has left in our home to help him understand the value of hard work and how much he can learn from tackling a challenge head on.

lists for the new year #3

things I hope to acomplish in 2011

start teaching again

set a new half-marathon PR: 2:30

run 3 races (and maybe a triathalon again)

reconnect with old friends, this being my fourtieth year

save more, spend less.  learn to live a simpler life

travel overseas

learn how to sew confidently

craft more...with molly

run more...with carson

the thing I love about this list is that many of these things are already in motion.  they are things I have been thinking on and planning for for a while now, and committing to getting them done has pushed me to start.

lists for the new year #2

accomplishments in 2010

ran lincoln 1/2 marathon. set a new PR: 2:34.

ran KC marathon relay.  i was lucky and had the best 6 mile route.

worked thru the merge of the business I work for.  the second in 5 years.

got my jeans out of the basement in the fall and they still fit!

hosted several parties in our home.

surprised my husband with a trip to chicago.  it was the best weekend we have had together in years.

opened our home to hector.  we are thankful every day for his presence in our lives.

deepened my friendships with my running group and my colorado girls.
made a commitment to myself teach again.

it was a great year!

lists for the new year #1

Places I was in 2010...how lucky am I?

Nebraska

Missouri

Florida

Illinois

Georgia

Tennessee

Oklahoma

Texas

Colorado

Indiana

Alabama

eek!

Holy Cow! 

It's been a month since I have been here. 

I've been lots of places since then. 

Including Florida (see above) and Chicago.

Christmas is here, which I am actually looking forward to this year.

We won't be going anywhere, and will have no bags to pack.

All our big meals will be with family and not at our house.

Our fireplace will be usable again tomorrow...just in time for a few days off and for the snow to fall.

I've been thinking about the new year and "resolutions."

It will be significant this time.  And I will stick to it.

It will have something to do with creativity, I just know it.

Happy Holidays to all of you.

it's been a long time...

it's been a really long time.  Too long, in fact. 

The weather has turned cold,

winter break is almost upon us,

and where did the time go?

Things have changed,

yet are still the same.

Molly's birthday is on Monday.

How can my baby be 9 already?

We leave for Florida on Friday

and will spend a week in paradise...

together as a family,

for the first time in 3 years.

I have not been running

nor photographing

I am feeling a little blue

and run down.

A vacation will do a world of good

but then we will come home

and jump feet first back in to life.

Thank God for vacations...

and family.

this body

this body of mine has done me well

I ask a lot from it, and it continues to respond

I work hard to keep it strong and toned

I abuse it at times too...

tomorrow I will ask it again to work for me in a race

I am running in the KC marathon

not the whole thing, but in a relay

5 of us have been working hard and training for each of our segments

the route is a hilly one so we have added hill repeats to our weekly runs

they're really hard...but rewarding

we are all ready

we will have a blast

we will ask our bodies to again work hard for us

and for the first time in a long time, I am happy

I am happy with this body of mine

you capture - togetherness

I love this picture of my kids.  We had headed down to the river so I could practice taking silhouette shots.  Obviously the light and the placement was all wrong (I have since figured out how to make it work), but I discovered this happy accident when I uploaded the shots. 

My kids really do love to be together.  Don't get me wrong, they get on each other's nerves...they fight...and they sometimes hit and pinch, but usually that only happens when they have been together too long.  Most days after school and practices, they want to hang out together.  They tell each other stories about their day.  The help each other with their homework.  They just hang. 

How lucky we are. most days I remember this.

that time of year

 

Photo from retro phone application on my cell phone.  I don't love the resolution.

The light is changing, the apples are ripening, and it is maybe going to be fall soon. 

Soccer has started, football is on the TV, and jeans are being worn.

The best part about living in the middle of the USA is the changing of the seasons.

And here comes the next one!

the fifth grader

This is Carson...yesterday...In a plastic bag having all of the air vacuumed out of it.

Carson is a fifth grader. Fifth grade was too long ago for me to remember exactly what it was like, but I do remember a few things: Mrs. Burch, sex ed and dissecting things like pig's eyeballs and hearts, and Chad Melvin puking every.single.time.

But, this is about Carson.  You see, somehow I have lost my baby.  He has grown up.  He has started doing things like wiping off my kisses, and sometimes turning his head away at the last second and not allowing me to kiss him.  He stopped letting me kiss him on the lips at the end of the school year last year.  I was hoping it was "just a phase."  It wasn't. 

Fifth grade in our town is the boss of the elementary school.  You are the big kids in fifth grade.  Maybe that is why these subtle changes are happening.  Carson seems to be more rude...more middle school-ish lately.  He sometimes talks with that subtle undertone of "you kind of annoy me..." He and Molly get on each other's nerves much more lately.  They fight a lot.  I separate a lot.  He and his friends "talk" back and forth on the computer thru their fantasy football website.  They type things that are funny and silly, and that I know will turn into bad words and slang all too soon. 

When did this happen?  When did all of this start?  I think back and wonder.  I feel like we eased into some of these changes, but others, I think must have happened overnight one night while I was dreaming of beaches, carrot cake and a sabbatical.  There are glimmers of hope, though.  Last night, I went to give Carson a kiss goodnight, and he grunted at me, turned his head, and gave me a lips kiss.  The first one in a very long time (that I didn't have to steal while he was sleeping.)  I got a tear and smiled in all my dreams last night. 

Here's to being hopeful, thankful and determined.  Here's to being able to continue to be open and honest when Carson and I talk to each other.  Here's to a whole new world spreading out before him...

This is Carson in 2005...the first day of kindergarten.

a life changing event

On Tuesday night, we were lucky enough to gain another child.  I know it was in a rather unconventional way, but we love him all the same.  Our host student, Hector, from California, via the Kansas Weslyean men's soccer team, moved in with us.  Hector is starting his senior year at KWU, and he needed a more stable, family oriented place to finish out his college career.  That place is our home.

All my life, I knew that I was destined to give back.  To help others who needed it.  The thing is, I always thought I would do that in some big, grand way.  I would travel to some remote country and give my all helping small children.  Or I would live in the slums of a city and help the elderly live out their days in dignity.  NEVER in a million years did I ever think it would happen in our own backyard, our own HOME, with a college kid from California.

When Hector told us he wanted to go home to California and not finish up with school, our response was immediate and confident.  He could move in with us for the next year.  He would live in our spare room in the basement, go to school, coach Carson's soccer team and continue working at the Country Club on the weekends.  For us it was a no-brainer.  It was the thing to do.  It was the RIGHT thing to do. 

It wouldn't be easy for him, he would be expected to eat family dinners with us. He would have his share of chores around the house.  He would get to babysit the kids from time to time, and he would pay us some rent (which we will save for him and give back to him upon graduation.)  It wouldn't be easy for us.  We would have another body to maneuver around in the house.  We would have one more mouth (a college kid at that) to feed.  Another shower to get scheduled in the day.  More loads of laundry, but we would do it. 

It has proven to be the right thing.  Hector is already a member of our family.  His parents have texted, called and written letters to us.  They are so grateful, polite, and thankful.  I know it won't always be cotton candy and roses, but it is good.  It will always be good.  It is good because it is the right thing.  And I feel like I am doing what I have been called to do all along.  To help someone in need.  I might not be in a big city, or a foreign country, but I am making a difference in some one's life, and that's what really counts, right?  My biggest hope is that he pays it forward one day.