that time of year

 

Photo from retro phone application on my cell phone.  I don't love the resolution.

The light is changing, the apples are ripening, and it is maybe going to be fall soon. 

Soccer has started, football is on the TV, and jeans are being worn.

The best part about living in the middle of the USA is the changing of the seasons.

And here comes the next one!

the fifth grader

This is Carson...yesterday...In a plastic bag having all of the air vacuumed out of it.

Carson is a fifth grader. Fifth grade was too long ago for me to remember exactly what it was like, but I do remember a few things: Mrs. Burch, sex ed and dissecting things like pig's eyeballs and hearts, and Chad Melvin puking every.single.time.

But, this is about Carson.  You see, somehow I have lost my baby.  He has grown up.  He has started doing things like wiping off my kisses, and sometimes turning his head away at the last second and not allowing me to kiss him.  He stopped letting me kiss him on the lips at the end of the school year last year.  I was hoping it was "just a phase."  It wasn't. 

Fifth grade in our town is the boss of the elementary school.  You are the big kids in fifth grade.  Maybe that is why these subtle changes are happening.  Carson seems to be more rude...more middle school-ish lately.  He sometimes talks with that subtle undertone of "you kind of annoy me..." He and Molly get on each other's nerves much more lately.  They fight a lot.  I separate a lot.  He and his friends "talk" back and forth on the computer thru their fantasy football website.  They type things that are funny and silly, and that I know will turn into bad words and slang all too soon. 

When did this happen?  When did all of this start?  I think back and wonder.  I feel like we eased into some of these changes, but others, I think must have happened overnight one night while I was dreaming of beaches, carrot cake and a sabbatical.  There are glimmers of hope, though.  Last night, I went to give Carson a kiss goodnight, and he grunted at me, turned his head, and gave me a lips kiss.  The first one in a very long time (that I didn't have to steal while he was sleeping.)  I got a tear and smiled in all my dreams last night. 

Here's to being hopeful, thankful and determined.  Here's to being able to continue to be open and honest when Carson and I talk to each other.  Here's to a whole new world spreading out before him...

This is Carson in 2005...the first day of kindergarten.

a life changing event

On Tuesday night, we were lucky enough to gain another child.  I know it was in a rather unconventional way, but we love him all the same.  Our host student, Hector, from California, via the Kansas Weslyean men's soccer team, moved in with us.  Hector is starting his senior year at KWU, and he needed a more stable, family oriented place to finish out his college career.  That place is our home.

All my life, I knew that I was destined to give back.  To help others who needed it.  The thing is, I always thought I would do that in some big, grand way.  I would travel to some remote country and give my all helping small children.  Or I would live in the slums of a city and help the elderly live out their days in dignity.  NEVER in a million years did I ever think it would happen in our own backyard, our own HOME, with a college kid from California.

When Hector told us he wanted to go home to California and not finish up with school, our response was immediate and confident.  He could move in with us for the next year.  He would live in our spare room in the basement, go to school, coach Carson's soccer team and continue working at the Country Club on the weekends.  For us it was a no-brainer.  It was the thing to do.  It was the RIGHT thing to do. 

It wouldn't be easy for him, he would be expected to eat family dinners with us. He would have his share of chores around the house.  He would get to babysit the kids from time to time, and he would pay us some rent (which we will save for him and give back to him upon graduation.)  It wouldn't be easy for us.  We would have another body to maneuver around in the house.  We would have one more mouth (a college kid at that) to feed.  Another shower to get scheduled in the day.  More loads of laundry, but we would do it. 

It has proven to be the right thing.  Hector is already a member of our family.  His parents have texted, called and written letters to us.  They are so grateful, polite, and thankful.  I know it won't always be cotton candy and roses, but it is good.  It will always be good.  It is good because it is the right thing.  And I feel like I am doing what I have been called to do all along.  To help someone in need.  I might not be in a big city, or a foreign country, but I am making a difference in some one's life, and that's what really counts, right?  My biggest hope is that he pays it forward one day.

random thoughts

"The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time"

Willem DeKooning

Really, isn't that true?  When I think back to times where we were really struggling with getting everything paid, and never felt like we had a penny to spare, all of my mental time was taken up with the thoughts of being poor, and how to make ends meet.  We are currently in a better place, and I find that I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about those things.

There has to be a happy medium where we are always conscious of our situation, but when the situation turns more dire, we need to be confident that we have "saved for this." We need to be able to rely on what we have been doing all along to get us thru a hard time.

Just pondering...

(two)milestone

Last night we reached a milestone.  Carson came with me and we ran 2 miles together.  I did have to beg him a little to go (and promise that next time he could ride his bike while I ran), but we did it...together.

He is definitely a faster runner than me (come on, he has 29 years on me) but he was sweet and waited for his mom.  His basketball coaches passed by us in their car, as well as his papo, and I could see the delight and surprise on all of their faces.  I was beaming the whole way.

I think this could be the start of something really great for us!

ps, can you tell I finally found a sunflower field to shoot?

my 5 things list

Melisa at the lil bee does a My Five Things post, and I thought I would do my own:

1.  Spend a summer travelling around the world with my children before they are grown.

2.  Write a book.

3.  Retire as a college professor.

4.  Build a house in the country.

5.  Finish a half-marathon in under 2:30.

How about you?  Do you have a list of things you want to do in this lifetime?  I love this list because all of these things are do-able, but will require work and persistence. 

The story of the sunflowers

My friend and I made a plan

we were going to photograph sunflower fields

in the waning evening light

I had the fields located

the camera batteries were charged

and the sunset looked to be beautiful

we drove 30 miles to the North

and located the fields

but to our dismay,

the flowers were nodding their heads

there would be no sunflower photos tonight

they were thirsty or sleepy

and the light had faded much too quickly.

But luckily, the carnival was in town...

road trip...day 4

Our final day of fun was spent at the Marengo Cave, and canoeing 7 miles down the Blue River. 

For the second morning in a row, Molly couldn't get out of bed by 8:30 for breakfast with

the other guests of the B & B. 

Admittedly, we were all tired from our crazy, full day at Holiday world!

The cave was awesome, and the canoeing a blast.  I was really tired at the end of our float, but Carson was a real trooper and paddled most of the way with me.  There were more than several places we had to get out and push/pull the canoe.  But as you can see we took advantage of one of them and got out to play. 

(Molly will probably kill me when she sees this photo some day!)

We had a blast on our adventure, and are definitely planning on doing something fun like it again next year...it's so fun to find different reasons to check states off  our list!

I

road trip...day 3

3 very tired folks, after a whole day spent at Holiday World and Splashin' Safari.

I might be getting too old for a day at a theme park...just sayin!

road trip...day 2

We made it!

Day 2 was filled with all variety of things.

We drove from St. Louis into Indiana, and had the requisite photo at the "Welcome to Indiana" sign.

It took longer that I thought it would to get here, but we DID detour a little bit.

We drove around and eyed Holiday World, and decided that we were

MOST DEFINITELY excited to spend a whole day there.

We spotted Lincoln National Park, and then headed to the Leavenworth Inn, our home for the next 3 days. 

We grabbed a bite for lunch and then took the scenic route into Corydon, IN

to take a look at an actual Civil War battlefield site. 

After a little rain shower, the butterflies were out in full force, and I spent some time outside with my camera.

It was a fun day.  We decided that Holiday World was the plan for the day on Wednesday. 

road trip...day 1

The kids and I are on a road trip.

We're heading to Santa Claus, Indiana.

Day one was filled with driving.

Statistics:

Books finished by Carson:  1

Movies Watched by Molly:  2

Books on tape listened to:  1  (it was really short)

Fights: none...

Hours driven:  7

Quit for the night:  Hampton Inn in Belleville, IL

the sounds of silence

I sit in my living room and look out my windows

there is blue sky out the front of my house and grey out the back

I have been sick and alone in my house for 2 days now

the only sounds are my stuffed-up-nose-breathing and

the air conditioner running full speed

Molly is in Houston with her cousins

Carson is at basketball camp until bedtime

Todd has been working hard

Silence is golden, they say

and I think it is true

a few days of physical and mental silence

and recovery can make a person whole again

real life...

Here's another edition of...'yes, this is my real life..."

Tuesday night we had a shrimp boil with some great friends. 

There was wine, laughter, and of course shrimp.

The new potatoes were freshly dug from the garden,

The shrimp had arrived that morning straight from the gulf

It was an absolutely gorgeous June evening

And an absolutely wonderful night...

a random list

Things I am thinking about::

:: summer rain showers

:: the pool in the evening

:: Todd's 40th birthday!

:: various skin rashes on the left side of my body

:: Molly at tennis lessons

:: My mom's birthday!

:: starting to take photos again

:: a fun weekend with the kiddos

:: pizza, pop, and tennis for Caron on Friday night

:: a wonderful shrimp boil with great friends last nite

oh hello there...

testing...testing...is this thing on?

I've been away. 

Have you noticed? 

There have just been too many things. 

I just haven't been able to write. 

Nor have I taken any photos. 

Sad, huh?

I think I might be back now.

Back in my own skin;

Back into a little bit of a routine, now that school is out;

Back into the swing of things as they say.

I have poison ivy again,

more grey hairs,

and a deliciously tanned body.

I am ready for the summer and all of the fun things it brings...

including much more time at the pool,

I've got to get rid of these silly tan lines,

and read more books!

I've missed you and this place.

Thanks for waiting for me.

slippery slope

Does your life sometimes feel like this?  Sliding fast down a slippery slope with curves and turns...Just when you get comfortable with one course, it up and changes on you?

Lately I have been feeling pretty comfortable with my life.  Changes we have made for the better, time spent with family and friends is refreshing and rewarding.  But when I took this photo, all I could think of is how well it symbolizes how I feel much of the time.  I like things to be changing and moving and growing, but when I stop to smell the tulips for a bit, I remember how nice they smell, and I have to remind myself to slow down.  I have to remind myself to enjoy this time...because all too soon, it will change...again!

two lips

the tulips in my life

A letter of thanks to the running gods

1. See above photo.  Thanks for the beautiful lilac blooms, and more thanks for the scent that follows me on my long runs through residential areas.
2. Thanks for introducing me to Bondi Bands.  They've saved my life...fashionably. (If you don't know about them, you hafta get over to the website and get some!)
3. Thanks for Saucony.  I've put on a lot of miles in this most recent pair of Saucony shoes.  No injuries or complaints by my feet to date.  Thanks for that!
4. See below photo.  Thanks for these hooligans.  They try hard not to complain and really cheer me on when I am putting on so many miles at the end of this training.

xo,
Amanda

a host of nothingness

• my past 2 weeks have been mentally and emotionally exhausting; I think I am over the hump now
• I need some creativity in my life; I need some time and a place for creativity in my lkife
• I have the best friends ever; dinner with one, wine with another, lunch with another and dinner with yet another all this week
• I love my kids; ages 8 and 9 are the best.  Really, they are
• family is all you have; it is the ONLY permanent thing in this world

1000 miles from nowhere

I took a little drive the other day, a detour if you will.  I was headed to a small town in a small county for some work, but I saw the sign for the Auto Tour of the Santa Fe Trail that cuts through Marion County, KS.  I stopped and took a folded piece of copy paper which showed a map of the county and the driving tour.  

I had to take dirt roads, blacktop roads and gravel roads. 

I stopped, turned around, and backed up many times. 

But wow. 

Being places where you could see the ruts in the land from the hooves and wagons was really powerful.

Imagining what it was like for those pioneers who came west in search of freedom and a better life.

Thinking about reading the Little House on the Prairie with my kids and having to explain,

really explain what life was like then. 

I enjoyed myself immensely. 

So much so that I was almost there...

I could hear the laughter in the prairie grass.

I could smell the cooking fires.

I could see the river to be crossed all too soon.

It's amazing what there is to see and do here in Kansas.

I'm learning that every day.