road trip...day 1

The kids and I are on a road trip.

We're heading to Santa Claus, Indiana.

Day one was filled with driving.

Statistics:

Books finished by Carson:  1

Movies Watched by Molly:  2

Books on tape listened to:  1  (it was really short)

Fights: none...

Hours driven:  7

Quit for the night:  Hampton Inn in Belleville, IL

as a parent

As I sit and listen to the rumble of the trains

I ponder the decisions I have made

Last night was a hard night

For me and my kid and our family

I had to tell Carson he wasn’t going to play in his basketball tournament this weekend

Because he didn’t get his homework done

He cried

I cried

He sobbed

I wept

We talked about responsibility and consequences

And how much we loved him

I wondered about the words and the punishment

And how much it would affect him 

I am still solemn

I grieve for that little boy

That is now growing older

and has to learn these things the hard way

I am sad for him and for us

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done

I have never felt so conflicted

Like such a failure

Or so emotionally spent.

Life is hard

fun

Carson and Molly atop Indian Rock Park on Wednesday

This was the first long weekend in a long time that I enjoyed.

I am usually tired, annoyed and frustrated when they are over

 I usually want to go back to work.

But not this weekend...this weekend was fun.

Thanksgiving was at my in-laws

and we served 57 (yes 57) without a hitch.

We ate too much, drank too much and played too much poker.

Cousins came to sleep over with Carson and Molly,

cousins we don't get to see very often.

I got out and excercised almost every day of the weekend.

We went on a family walk, and I

swam, ran and walked the other days.

Molly's 8th birthday was on Sunday

we had homemade pizzas on the grill

(Molly got to order Pizza Hut for herself...it WAS her birthday afterall)

and had a few friends over for cupcakes.

There weren't a lot of presents, but a lot of joy.

We didn't have many plans, and

just enjoyed each other's company all weekend.

It was good.

amber waves of grain

Last evening while Todd was golfing and Molly was at a sleep-over, Carson and I braved the heat and went out to the farm to ride on the combine and cut wheat. This time of the year is always such a wonder to me. In the course of about a week, all of the wheat for almost of the entire world's bread is cut all around me. Well, not really, but that's what it feels like. Every town for miles around me is focused on one thing...cutting wheat.

This year I took my camera and really tried to watch thru your eyes. I wanted to capture some things that I would have wanted you to notice. I assume most of you have never been around a wheat harvest. Let me tell you: it is dusty, hot, smelly, dirty, and amazing. When we left the house last night it was 6:30pm and still 100 degrees. When we got home at 9:30, we hadn't even cut one whole field, we had the headlights on the combine, and it was 77 degrees. Although we didn't partake in the evening meal (prepared by the farmer's wives and brought to the field), we have many times before.

We saw a mama deer, who could have been our pet. She just bounced along ahead of the combine wagging her tail and looking back at us. While Carson and I were at the elevator, my dad saw a coyote along the edge of the field waiting for the combine to scare out something for his dinner. We saw small quail, rabbits and mice running out ahead of the combine. We saw dry lightening and a storm system moving into the East. We saw great yields, and beautiful plump seeds of grain. We chatted with Willie, the farmer my dad and brother (and some day Carson) have always worked for. We drank water and sweated. We listened to country music and got dripped on by the "air conditioner" in the combine. We drove thru Falun, KS where the only activity in that town happens at this time of the year.

I took grain home with me. I am going to mill it myself this year and bake bread with my own flour. I will eat it with vegetables out of my own garden, and I will be in heaven. For a moment, time will stand still and we will know what it might have been like all those many years ago when our ancestors did just the same: provided for themselves. I will teach my children what it means to me to be from Kansas, and why it is important that we know and maintain our heritage.

At this moment, all is well in the heartland, and for that I am thankful.

children

C - christ, why didn't I remember to use birth control?
H - hello, is there anyone else out there willing to help me raise these heathens?
I - I don't think there are any working parents on our school board
L - like for instance there were 17, yes 17, days off this holiday
D - darn, if I could only have like 20 minutes to myself in the bathtub
R - routine, what routine? Stay up late, sleep in and our lives are all topsy-turvy
E - errands have become inposible due to the "mom I want"s and "mom can I have"s
N - naw, I really do love them, but I am ready, oh so ready, for school to start tomorrow

edit:
**and gosh darn you blogger, I can't stand your spacing issues. I gotta figure that out.

thoughts after christmas

So you might be wondering (or not) how, after this post, Christmas went in our house. If you're not wondering, stop reading here. I'm currently at home alone with a glass of wine and this delicious Spaghetti Squash with Lemon and Capers cooking away, and I thought I would fill you in while I had the time.



So, Christmas was actually ok. I know that is anti-climactic, but oh well. As far as the gifts go, I did all of the shopping (excepting a few gifts for grandfathers purchased on Christmas Eve). I did all of the wrapping, and all of the stocking stuffing. However, I did not feel one ounce of guilt when I wrote "From Mom" on every gift to my kids. Christmas was as much of a surprise to Todd as it was to the kids. Although I don't like it like that (remember how I want Todd to want to help with the shopping and wrapping?), I didn't ask for any help, and none was offered up, other than the obligatory "do you need any help?" I think the kids liked their gifts, and I am happy to say that we didn't go overboard with presents this year.



Now, as I said earlier, Todd likes the idea of staying at home and not going anywhere during Christmas. Although we had invitations to attend my mom's family Christmas as well as my dad's side, I didn't force the issue. Todd had originally made plans to go to Kansas City to watch the Chiefs play on Sunday the 21st (why? He HATES the Chiefs), but he decided to stay home and go to my mom's family Christmas. I in no way made him feel guilty about this except to confirm that my mom had sent an email in November about the date and time, so he couldn't use the excuse that he didn't know when it was going to be. We didn't go to my dad's family Christmas on Christmas Eve. But we did go to church with the kids, came home and ate enchiladas and watched the old Parent Trap. We then drove around and looked at Christmas lights. It was nice, and I didn't miss seeing family too much.

Christmas Day was fun too. We got up and opened presents in our PJs. Just our little family of 4. We hung around and ate Lucky Charms and then got around to starting lunch for our guests. My folks arrived with gifts at noon and Todd's folks at 1, with Great Aunt Helen in tow. We had a wonderful meal and lots of great conversation and puzzle-putting-together. The kids played with their new things, and the men took naps on the couch in front of football and the fire. Everyone left about 5:30, just as the kids were saying "what's for dinner?" (what's that about? We just ate, 4 hours ago, a ginormous meal, and they are asking for food!)

So, I must say, that all-in-all, Christmas was fun. I mostly kept my mouth shut (which is a real exercise for me sometimes) and just enjoyed things the way they turned out. It is a lesson for me that my expectations are not always the only way things can be. Others in this family are allowed to have opinions and to have those opinions respected. I learned a lot about myself this Holiday. I know Christmas won't be easy each year for me, but maybe it will get easier each year. Here's hoping, anyhow!

I caught one!

Yesterday's excitement was catching fish. Both Carson and Molly caught fish off the T-dock. We used shrimp as bait, and both kids actually were patient and caught a fish! Hooray!

Cold and Windy

Yesterday at the tip of the island, it was cold and windy. My parents took all 4 grandkids (ages 8, 7, 2.5, and 8 months) to Chuck E. Cheese and the Children's Museum in Ft. Meyers. My sister-in-law and I did this:

Today we are off to the pool, then a little fishing off the dock this afternoon...ta ta!

yesterday at the marina

I had a little time to myself yesterday to read (Portrait of a Marriage by Nigel Nicholson) so I went to a table by the marina. The weather yesterday was pretty windy, and overcast with a shower or two (one as we were getting ready to leave the pool...we got SOAKED!). The sun peeped thru a few times, and we had a great time flying kites by the ocean.

The Life

Yesterday's views are from my spot at the pool:

And at the beach...pretty hard life, huh?

AND it was Molly's 7th birthday yesterday too! Happy Day, young one!

Gobble

Hello my pretties! I am currently with the kids on lovely Captiva Island, FL. As a matter of fact, here is the view from our balcony:

And that boy, in the white shirt, in the bottom center? That is Carson picking up shells...we're loving life, can you tell?

Back later with more photos and stories, I am sure!

Molly the Photographer

At the school's fun night this year, little Molly won herself a digital camera. She has been begging for one for a while now, and I was too cheap to buy her one for fear she would lose it. How lucky for her that she won one! How lucky for me that if she loses it I won't be out anything.

With her new camera, I have discovered just how good a photographer she really is. She is no Ansel Adams, but she really does a nice job. Here are a few of her photos:

Hippy Dippy!

Today was the first day of school for my kids.

Of course we took the traditional "first day of school" photos.

First and Third grades...here we come!

ps, they were smiling so genuinely in that first photo because I told them to think about

Giant Stinky Farts!